I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
