You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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