last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
