i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
