lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
