could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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