nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
