so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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