I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
