It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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