Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
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