last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
