my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
