For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
