Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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