hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
