there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
