so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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