I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
