i just google imaged poop.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
