ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish you could order shots online.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
