Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
