The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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