Having a random hookup so left but love u
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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