oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
