the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
