So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
