Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
