Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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