Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
