bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
