I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
