Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
