I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
