I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
