he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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