She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
