so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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