Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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