Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
