This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
