i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
