I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
