If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
