No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
