Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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