Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
