He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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