HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
