I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
