The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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