East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
